The Break Up Test

Have you ever reached a point in your marriage wherein you just thought to yourself “To hell with it – I’m getting out?”  I read somewhere that even the best of marriages reach this point at least once.  What matters is how you approach the situation and how you and your partner work together towards a resolution.

I ran across a very useful article over at Yahoo titled The Break Up Test: 5 Questions to Ask Before Giving ‘Em the Boot. The questions are very interesting and just might prove to be useful for us couples.

Question 1: Has There Been a Major Change in My Life?

Changes in one’s life may bring about immense stress and normally, we take it out on the person closest to us – our partner.  It would be good to take some time to analyze your feelings of anger and frustration – they may not be solely due to your relationship.  If so, breaking up your relationship will not solve your own problems.  You’ll just end up on the losing end of the deal if you blame it all on your relationship – no partner and the same issues on your plate.

Question 2: What’s My Happiness Ratio?

Before getting married, I knew that my marriage would never be happy 100 percent of the time.  But knowing and actually experiencing are two different things.  I have to admit that in my heart, I am still a silly romantic, wanting to be happy all the time.  That is simply impossible in this imperfect world, though.

Two imperfect people living in a flawed world = a certain degree of unhappiness at certain times.

This is something that we have to always realize.  The article suggests analyzing your happiness ratio and if it is about say, 80%, then you are actually in a good situation.  Perhaps taking off those rose-tinted glasses every now and then would give you a better perspective.

Question 3: Is He/She Abusive?

This is what the article says:  Abusive behavior comes in many forms. There’s physical abuse where someone hits, slaps or shoves you. A verbally abusive partner degrades you with harsh words and insults. And the most difficult to identify and pinpoint: psychological abuse. This form of abuse can involve overly controlling behavior, emotional blackmail, and episodes of extreme jealousy. If your partner engages in any of the above behavior, don’t just walk — run from the relationship.

Question 4: Have I Expressed My Frustration?

Another by product of idealistic romanticism – the thought that “he or she should be able to figure out what I want or need.”  Boy, was I wrong in thinking this way!  Heck, I am no mind reader, why should I expect my spouse to be one?

The bottom line is to spell it out – as in S-P-E-L-L.  Girls, this is very true for men.  Sometimes, they just don’t get hints.  You might be surprised at how much things can change if only you actually take the time to spell things out.

Question 5: Am I Willing to Work at It?

This is the bottom line of it all.  If you are experiencing problems in your relationship, ask yourself if you are willing to work at it.  It is not going to be easy.  It is not going to be a smooth ride.  You both need to put extra effort in making it work.  And remember, effort entails action.

As  I always say, talk is cheap.  SHOW ME.

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