In many respects, I think that J and I do not have a “normal” relationship. We have so many differences and we approach life in such different ways that I think we sometimes defy what a “normal” marriage should be. Then again, what is normal and what is not? This could all be relative, right?
Anyhow, one area that we have had our struggles in is friendship;not our friendship with each other, but our own circle of friends.
When J arrived in the Philippines, naturally, he did not have friends “of his own.” It was his first time here, and he did not know anyone else aside from me. Of course, I introduced him to my friends, and he became part of our circle. In fact, being the extrovert that he is, he quickly made more friends in my office than I did.
Still, every so often, he would complain that he did not have friends to call his own. He would say that all of his friends are really “my” friends. I didn’t really think that was such a serious thing, but now that he has found his own circle of friends, I am starting to see how much he needed it.
He has been here for some years, and finally, it seems that he has found people to hang out with; people who are not part of my circle.
For those of you who are in a similar situation, here’s something to think about: if your partner comes over without knowing anybody else except you, encourage him (or her for that matter) to build up new friendships on his own.
I have to be honest about the whole thing and admit that I am still learning the ropes. I am not a very sociable person, and I have not even met most of J’s new friends. Sometimes, it bugs me that he would go out with them till the wee hours of the morning. But I do realize that he has his own life, I have mine, and we have one together. I think that I shall be continuing to learn more about this in the days (months, and years) to come.
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